Violence comes in many forms.
Historically violence has been specifically associated with physical injury more commonly named as assault and and physical abuse or violence.
Violence is today recognised as being a controlling behaviour which can present under many guises one of which is emotional intimidation and bullying.
Emotional violence, although sometimes difficult to pinpoint and articulate, is and always has been more prevalent and more harmful than physical violence.
It is the psychological affects of the physical violence that remain long after wounds have healed in the form of behavioural changes, trauma and sometimes physical health issues.
Emotional violence has existed throughout the ages and can most easily be identified through the history of religion, culture and inequality between the sexes.
In more recent years we have seen awareness around school yard bullying increase and has been recognised and labelled as violence.
Refusing to listen to or to deny another person’s feelings, telling people what they do or do not feel and ridiculing or shaming another persons feelings is Emotional Violence, a controlling behaviour which occurs when one person believes they have a right to control or dominate another person.
Emotional Violence is real but the effects of its injury can make us question ourselves as confidence diminishes.
Symptoms of Emotional Violence (symptoms can range depending on the resilience of the individual, the environment, the duration of violence occurring and the severity of violence):
- shyness
- timidity
- lack in confidence
- questioning oneself
- lack of enthusiasm and passion
- feeling tired
- depression
- anxiety
- uncertainty
- helplessness
- feeling scared
- biting nails
- going inward
- avoidance of situations and people
- regression in school grades
- feeling irritable
- biting your tongue or turning the cheek to comments
- lack of self esteem
- changes in dress and presentation
- changes in eating behaviours
- feeling sick
- emotional outbursts
- anger
- bullying
Emotional Violence occurs:
- between individuals
- in spousal relationships
- between ex partners
- in families
- in cultures
- at the workplace
- in schools
Education to expand awareness around emotions, to recognise occurrences of Emotional Violence and its harmful effects is paramount if we are to:
- eliminate harrassment and intimidation
- empower individuals
- increase self esteem
- reduce physical violence
- combat teen suicide and self harm
- battle depression
- create respectful relationships
- increase tolerance
- increase emotional resilience
Emotional understanding is the key for creating pathways to:
- optimum physical and mental health
- understanding past life choices
- making future empowering decisions
- creating quality relationships
- negotiation and mediation
- understanding behaviours minor as well as extreme
- extinguishing family legal battles
- providing comprehensive and more accurate assessment of situations
- determining a course of action
Acknowledging emotional violence is the start to regaining personal power and opening minds to be able to educate on its effects and thereby treat the cause and eliminate symptoms.
LOL
Dianne Mead
kloppenmum
January 14, 2011
I agree, and really like your thorough list of symptoms. I think emotional violence is a nasty insiduous part of society and would love to see more information like this made available to the general public.
Dianne Mead
January 14, 2011
The parenting program “Tuning in to Kids” is a start to addressing these issues from a base level…i.e. in the home. It is pointed at emotion coaching children but it is a two fold program whereby the parents/adult cannot but help increase their awareness. Change comes with awareness and the most simplistic things eg being able to name an emotion is a good start to recognising what’s going on before it escalates.
Unfortunately there are no preventative laws in Queensland, and as you seem to be aware, articulation and proof of emotional violence can be very difficult to express and prove.
Yet at the end of the day I am not one in favour of blame or punishment, rather awareness of consequences.
Education…voices is what is needed to spread the word.
Lovely to receive your comment. I look forward to reading your posts.
kloppenmum
January 14, 2011
Sadly, it’s so hard to break cycles of any kind of violence, but I agree naming our emotions is at least a start. My concern is also for those children who have parents who appear to have done well in life: careers, enough money, social morals (knowing what the ‘right’ thing to do or say is, as opposed to having any real empathy) etc – but who are almost as emotionally disconnected from others as those in poverty who are obviously not managing.
I look forward to hearing what you think about my posts…
Dianne Mead
January 14, 2011
yes agree totally…there are children suffering within the middle to higher socio economic sector. A substantial amount of parents in that group have head in the sand syndrome. They don’t allow themselves to feel emotion let alone their children…their parenting style they were brought up on was often dismissive which has the characteristic of distracting the child from acknowledging what they are feeling…in most cases they are teaching the parenting style they were brought up which makes for shallow relationships. The consequence to the kids is that they grow up second guessing and not trusting their own feelings and intuition because they have always been dismissed and not validated. It’s a domino effect that runs into intimacy problems in adulthood and lack of self esteem in men as well. I am very passionate about this topic, it is so extensive and by no means have I been exhaustive.
Unfortunately sometimes change has to be made in the smallest of steps.
Am pleased you relate to the topic. It will be interesting to see it develops.
kloppenmum
January 14, 2011
PS I hope you’re not drowning at the moment.
kloppenmum
January 14, 2011
Pleased to touch base with someone on the same wavelength. Let the revolution begin!